What follows is a preview of a selection of computer games released later this year, or next. I have not played any of the selected games, and had to cheat my way through Sonic the Hedgehog 1 as a boy – it proved far, far too much for me, with my old adversary Robotnik near-unplayable at times. Still:
CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 3
Call of Duty is the big one; the hot ticket. Everyone plays this game. It’s the stuff of life (except for those who claim it encapsulates everything that stinks about late capitalism and the post-Big-Brother-on-Channel-Four era in general).
Fans of the ‘shooting at people’ aspect introduced in the last Call of Duty game will be excited to hear that ‘shooting at people’ has been scaled up for the new release. Players will now able to pick up a gun, swap it for a louder gun, and then jog around for a bit (with gun in their mitts). Advanced players may also wish to ‘fire’ their gun in order to hospitalise another player. This will generally be frowned by other gamers, however, since it tends to spawn a wave of copycat violence that stretches the underfunded medical staff to breaking point – ruining it for others.
At its best, however, this game will be exhilarating and true – an accurate rendition of modern warfare, particularly World War I or the Crimean.
A gamer’s verdict:
Buy this game! It will make you a better person, especially in battle conditions.
Modern Warfare 3 - Shooting - at a building!
FIFA 12
The FIFA series has become so realistic that no one minded when Scottish football in its entirety was computerised last year and the league played out on FIFA instead. The plan was to save money, but most fans prefer it. Gone are the days of screaming abuse from the stands at crap, overrated strikers – now you can control all the players yourself (apart from Rangers captain David Weir, of course, who refused to appear on the grounds that he prefers the Pro Evolution Soccer series – he is ‘unlockable’ if you qualify for the Champions League, however).
Every FIFA game has been an improvement on the last, and you can bet your boots that FIFA 12 will be exactly the same (by that I mean different). Early reports suggest improved graphics, better ball physics, and an increased RRP of £42.99.
A gamer’s verdict:
I’ve played every FIFA since 1994, and I can honestly say that I’ve lost my way in life.
FIFA 12 - a sporting chance? 
MASS EFFECT 3
Mass Effect has fallen foul of the law of unintended consequences. Because the first game was quite successful, the developers had to make another one (Mass Effect 2). This brought more work upon themselves and a lot of self-recrimination at the staff Christmas party that year.
Details on the new Mass Effect game are very sketchy. I’m not really sure what it’s about. Aliens? It does look good though, if you like video games (aliens?).
A gamer’s verdict:
This is set to be one sick game alright, but do NOT pay market value. Head to Amazon.co.uk for a 2-3% discount. See you online suckers!
Mass Effect 3: An artist's impression
